A Personal HSP Gathering Retreat Experience

A Personal HSP Gathering Retreat Experience 

Note:  I am so often asked:

 “So, what’s it like to attend a HSP Gathering Retreat?”

Words like:

Inspire, Create, Enhance, Awaken, Grow, Engage, Encourage, Enrich,

Self-Care, Spiritual, Authentic,  Community, and Activate

all come to mind.

So I was delighted when Cecilia offered to share her personal experience at the 30th HSP Gathering Retreat held August 8-12, 2016 in Abbotsford, BC, Canada.

Although Cecilia has not used her last name, I am so happy to have been a part of her “coming out” as an HSP.  She, like so many others who have attended HSP Gathering Retreats, is now moving forward toward finding her own way to share information about the HSP trait with others.  In other words, I like to say:  “her torch was lit.”    Thank you Cecilia.

” My HSP Gathering Retreat Experience ” 

by Cecilia

Vancouver, British Columbia Canada

It was something I had wanted to do since first discovering I was a Highly Sensitive Person:  attend an HSP Gathering Retreat. Yet, each year there always seemed to be excuses not to go: time, distance, money.  So, when I saw the 30th HSP Gathering Retreat was going to be held only an hour and a half drive from where I live in Vancouver, BC, I knew I had no more excuses.  I had to find a way to go. And, I am so glad I did, for my life will never be the same.

I had several expectations as a first time participant at a HSP Gathering.  One: I expected to gain valuable knowledge and tools to cope with being an HSP in the world.  Second: I wanted a deeper understanding and more acceptance of me and my trait.  And, third, I hoped to form connections with other HSPs, and not just as new friendships. I want HSP connections mainly to help alleviate lifelong feelings of being different and alone.

All My Expectations Were Met and Then Some

Nineteen HSPs from across Canada, the United States and as from far afield as Denmark, gathered for four days at Edenvale Retreat Centre, a lovely place in nature, near Abbotsford, British Columbia, from August 8-12, 2015. This diverse group of HSPs included 3 men, and 16 women from all walks of life and all ages. We would later learn that out of the 19, 4 were extravert HSPs, which is a pretty common percentage, since we know the majority of HSPs are introverts.

Despite knowing that I would be amongst other sensitives, I felt nervous anticipation in the days leading up to the Gathering. Familiar feelings and thoughts kept creeping up. Feelings of worry about being surrounded by unknown people in unfamiliar surroundings.  Worry about whether I would fit in, or would be the odd one out as I usually am, even amongst a group of HSPs.  As an introvert I also worried about whether I would have enough “me time.” To my surprise, I quickly realized that these worries were completely unfounded.

Right off the bat I realized that my experience at this HSP Gathering would be different.  It was emphasized that:  we were there for ourselves; that all participation was optional; and that we were allowed, in fact, encouraged to “focus on needs not approval.”  The importance of taking care of ourselves by setting boundaries in a polite but firm way was also stressed.  Just to be free to “practice” setting boundaries was a learning experience in and of itself.   And, it was truly surprising that after a few days in this supportive environment this “practice” began to feel quite effortless.

If we felt tired or overstimulated, we could take the time to rest and take care of our needs and not fear that we were missing out or that people would wonder where we were. But once the Gathering was underway I barely spent any time alone in my room or resting.  All the information being presented was so valuable, and I quickly realized the entire experience was so unique, that I really wanted to get the most out of every moment.  When we did have free time I wanted to spend it with other HSPs having those meaningful conversations and connecting in a way that I never do in “real life.”  So, by the third day I was starting to feel quite exhausted, yet I just kept pushing through it as best as I could, telling myself I would have plenty of time to rest when I was home alone after the Gathering was over.

Because I had first discovered the trait of high sensitivity back in 2003, I arrived feeling like I already knew quite a lot about being an HSP. However, I found that so much of what was presented over the course of the four days was not only educational and informative, but it was also new to me.  Because of this, the Gathering was definitely a learning experience. I now feel a lot more informed and thus empowered to talk about the trait with other people.

One of the things I was surprised about was to see spirituality brought into the discussion. Although I consider myself a spiritual person, I rarely open up about my beliefs or discuss such topics with anyone outside of my weekly spiritual group. Even though the theme of this Gathering was “The Spiritual Journey of the HSP towards Empowerment,” I expected the sessions to be practical or factual and not to delve too much into spirituality. I soon happily realized that many of the HSPs in attendance were very open to talking about their own HSP journeys, the way they approach life, and their spirituality. Jacquelyn encouraged us to “learn from each other” and this was a great example of how we all shared our own wisdom with one another.

Another thing I enjoyed discovering was what Jacquelyn referred to as the possible four (probably more) stages HSPs might find themselves going through in their own spiritual journeys.  For our conversation purposes, this journey was described as becoming what Jacquelyn calls the “Empowered HSP.”   She identified four stages:  1) Being new to the trait, 2) beginning a Transition 3) Immersion 4) and the often times, Reluctant Priestly Advisor.  It wasn’t surprising to me to identify that I’m still very much in the Immersion stage.  I’m still highly uncomfortable in revealing the HSP aspect of myself, and I rarely discuss it with family, friends or colleagues,

Conversation Cafes*  and So Much More

By sharing our HSP journeys with one another, we at the Gathering, came to see how alike we are in our struggles and in the issues we face and also our shared experiences in the world. Our conversations revealed some of the common obstacles and challenges faced in our lives.  They also helped us identify the type of support we would like to see. It was truly amazing how easy it was to talk with each other and how quickly we broached very meaningful topics that I rarely discuss with anyone.

So often in the “real world” I find myself struggling to find topics to discuss or points of connection with other people.  And I also find it very difficult to express my voice or to make myself heard in group situations.  I never felt like that at the HSP Gathering.

“…In fact, if one would look at the group from the outside, it would definitely seem like a group of extreme extroverts at times! …”

Yet, it was just as easy, each evening, to find myself among several HSPs who stayed up late in the night to continue talking and sharing.

Self Identity utilizing the Myers Briggs

Another aspect of the Gathering that I found very valuable was the sessions on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). I find the MBTI is a very useful tool not only in understanding ourselves, but also in understanding the behavior and motivations of other people around us.  I learned how honoring and understanding our differences is the key to getting along with one another and developing good relationships.  Jacquelyn has been using the Myers Briggs since 1991, as a teacher, a mentor and a therapist, Her certification in the MBTI plus her knowledge of how the Myers Briggs and HSP trait can interact was very insightful, validating and empowering.

Connecting With Nature

Connecting with nature was also a key theme of the Gathering and one of my favourite aspects. I loved walking through the woods with other HSPs and seeing the way we noticed all the subtleties around us. While on these walks we paused to touch some of the rocks and trees we encountered, or to pick up a leaf and admire it. Being in nature with other HSPs in this way was so refreshing and invigorating. For the first time in quite a long time, I felt free to open up and I felt myself really start to come alive.  It was so freeing and liberating to have the permission to be truly and authentically myself, not hiding any aspect of myself as I do so often in my daily life. It was so validating to connect with other people who I sensed were different, yet so similar to me.  I truly felt I was with “my tribe”.

Art Night

There were so many favorite moments for me at this Gathering.  Another one was “Art Night” where we crafted collages out of a selection of cut outs of words and pictures. I soon discovered this was just another lovely process which allowed us to express our true authentic selves without fear of judgment. It felt very natural to choose whatever pieces called to me and not to question it. Somehow the arrangement came into being in a very creative, organic way. I was really pleased with the end result and ended up taking my collage home to put on my wall to remind me of the Gathering. It was so nice to see everyone else lost in creating their art and yet bonding with one another at the same time. It was a very carefree and creative experience which reminded me of doing arts and crafts as a child. It also reminded me of how important it is to let that inner child out to play and to nourish your creative side. Here is a picture of my finished project

Special time with Dr. Elaine Aron

Finally, the session with Elaine Aron, via Skype, was invaluable and a highlight of the retreat for me. I truly credit her research and her books with changing my life, so being able to connect with someone I consider a true mentor and seeing her as another HSP soul, just like me, was truly inspirational. While Elaine touched on some of the difficulties HSPs experience such as feeling overwhelmed, drained or fatigued, she also emphasized the many advantages of being an HSP.  I think it is important for us to focus on the positive aspects of HSP and to share these with others so they are also aware and to avoid associations with the often negative labels such as “too quiet”, “too shy” or “getting tired or crying too easily”, for example. 

Time to Say Goodbye

It was on the third night when it started to feel real to me that our time together was, sadly, coming to an end. The time had passed so quickly! Everyone was bonding and connecting.  Everywhere you turned there were people having those “aha moments” and deep, meaningful conversations. It was so  apparent that we were  missing this type of interaction in our daily lives and we trying to make the most of our short time together in this unique environment.  A bittersweet realization.

Creativity Night

Our final evening together was “Creativity Night.”  This is where we participants shared one of our creative talents with one another. The energy in the room that final evening was electric, but also so welcoming, gentle and accepting. This space allowed the group to be vulnerable and open with one another.  Another realization I had (there were so many) was that it is only through allowing ourselves to be vulnerable that we really can create the space to grow.

Somehow I knew it would be okay to share something truly personal with this group of people who were literally strangers only a few days before. Many shared moving personal poems and writing while others shared their musical compositions and photography. At times it was gut-achingly humorous, and at other times raw and emotional. We went through expression of a whole range of emotions and I, like others, were moved to tears during several moments. Getting up in front of a group and exposing ourselves is something that is probably difficult for many HSPs to do.  Yet, seeing everyone do so gave me courage, and helped me to feel like I could do it too. I can’t begin to explain how it felt in that moment ~~ to have shared something that is such a part of who I am ~ and to feel so appreciated. It was truly special and heart warming. I’ll never forget that night.

Later that night many of us conversed with one another late into the evening. We knew we didn’t have many opportunities left. It was hard to believe, that even though I had not had much “alone time,” the previous four days, I felt more invigorated and reenergized by the end than I can remember feeling for ages. I also knew I probably wasn’t going to get much sleep that night, not that I’d slept much at all since the Gathering started, and it didn’t matter at all.  I was just so happy.

Nature as Healer and Teacher

The last day finally came and everyone was feeling emotional that our experience was coming to a close. The perfect closing was the Nature as Healer & Teacher activity.  Having time on our own to spend time reflecting in a quiet spot in nature was a very deep, meditative and healing experience for me.

I listened to the birds, the frogs and the insects.  I felt the cool breeze and watched each leaf shimmer; I noticed how the sun’s rays filtered through the trees; smelled the sap; felt the support of the tree against which I was leaning.  I felt the roots of the tree going into the earth and my own roots doing the same, grounding me.

What I came away from that time, and from the whole retreat, was the importance of honouring and protecting nature and the planet and also honouring myself and the understanding that I was created this way for a reason. I need to use time in nature to heal myself and to reconnect with this understanding on a more frequent basis and I need to use my gifts to help humanity. The world needs HSPs very much and we need to stop hiding our gifts and use them help educate the world. I felt a deep sense of gratitude following this experience reconnecting with nature. I kept repeating over and over to myself: “Thank you, thank you, thank you”.

Renewed Faith in Humanity & Spirituality

I came away from this HSP Gathering with renewed faith in humanity and in spirituality. The knowledge that people I can connect to in this way are out there is invaluable. We may be in the minority, but we exist and it’s important for us not to forget that and not to feel alone.  I left with a strong sense that the universe is always surrounding me with love and that we are all connected to every other living being. This awareness makes me feel so comforted and supported.

I also left knowing I need to spend more time being quiet and still in order to listen to my inner voice and intuition, while also paying more attention to my gifts. I see from experience how important it is to connect with other like-minded people. I think it is especially important for HSPs to gather with one another in this way, or to find local HSPs they can meet with on a regular basis.

The beauty of being seen and heard; to know and be known

During the final closing circle each person that shared (it was totally optional) said something about their experience at the Gathering that was so moving that I was close to tears several times. Everyone was being very open and in those moments we knew it was a safe space to able to truly share our authentic selves in a very vulnerable way.   It felt almost inconceivable that we were all going our separate ways after becoming so close in such a short amount of time.

Integrating the HSP Gathering Experience

It wasn’t until the next day, when I had a chance to rest and begin to integrate the experience, that I began to realize how calm, grounded and confident I felt. It was a life changing experience for me. I can only hope that I can carry forward this feeling into my daily life and into my work and relationships. I want to remember how this feels right now and that I can use everything I learned, especially when faced with difficulties. I want to remember what it felt like to have real connections with other people, to feel so free and happy and able to be myself and to feel supported and understood.

It seemed like so many parts of myself  ~ that I always knew where there ~ were reawakened in a very fundamental way through my participation in the HSP Gathering. And it was only through being in this supportive and open environment that allowed me integrate these parts into a whole. This is an important gift that I feel any HSP out there should give to themselves.

Through participation in an HSP Gathering you can come to know, understand and accept yourself in a deep, meaningful way and this in turn can become a gift to others around you: those you encounter every day such as your family, friends and coworkers, as well as others who may not know or understand the trait of high sensitivity.  So, if you are thinking about attending a HSP Gathering, I encourage you to not think about it ~ just go. Take this important time and do this for yourself, you will not regret it!

This was such a positive, affirming experience for me that I am considering going to another Gathering in the future so I can recapture that energy and these feelings again. I don’t feel that there was any negative aspect of the experience for me, other than feeling somewhat emotionally and physically exhausted by the end and needing quite a few days to recover. But that signifies to me that it was a significant and eventful experience and that I truly got as much as I could out of the time.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC, the co-founder, with Dr. Elaine Aron, of the HSP Gathering Retreats.  She and her co-host, Barbara Allen-Williams of the National Centre of High Sensitivity in the UK (www.hspsensitive.com) made an excellent team and I know my experience would not have been possible without their special kind of HSP leadership and facilitation over our four days together.

And thank you to the other participants for being there and allowing themselves to be open and vulnerable to the experience and for sharing their authentic selves. So, as I shared before, thank you, thank you, thank you and until we may hopefully meet again.